


violet

by intothewoodz



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Language of Flowers, M/M, Mutual Pining, background seunghan, hangyul is a teacher bc i enjoy projecting, i officially give up on tags, just a little bit though, seungyoun is the florist, this fic exists bc violet by pentagon is a great song and gives me many feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23971150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intothewoodz/pseuds/intothewoodz
Summary: You wouldn’t know the flower language of the miserably wilted roses with thorns, the beautiful red, the impossible blue, and the everlasting violet, that’s nonsense.It's been over a year since they broke up, but Seungyoun knows for a fact that he'll never be able to forget Hangyul. What he doesn't know, however, is that Hangyul feels the exact same way about him.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Lee Hangyul
Comments: 39
Kudos: 57





	1. Gladiolus

**Author's Note:**

> this is inspired by violet by pentagon (the song, mv, and lyrics are all phenomenal, i highly recommend checking it out!)
> 
> all the flower meanings are either things i found online or from i book that i own and i basically just picked whatever fit best but please forgive me if there are any inaccuracies T^T
> 
> i hope you enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _A gladiolus can be used to symbolize infatuation and remembrance. Often associated with gladiators in Ancient Rome because their leaves resemble a sword, they say “you pierce my heart.”_

The sound of a bell fills the silent store as the door opens.

“Hi, welcome to Hollywoodz Flower Shop!” Seungyoun greets. “Can I help you with anything today?”

“Uh, yeah, I was actually wondering if I could get a bouquet of violets,” the customer requests.

“I’m sorry, I’m afraid we don’t carry violets at the moment.”

“Oh, I thought they would’ve been in season by now?”

He’s right. Violets usually start blooming as early as late winter and it’s already the beginning of spring. That’s not why he doesn’t have any.

“Yes, but they actually sold out,” Seungyoun lies smoothly. “Unfortunately, I haven’t gotten a chance to restock yet.”

“Oh, I was planning on buying some for my girlfriend…” The customer is troubled and seems to contemplate his options, clearly not having thought of a backup.

“I’m very sorry for the inconvenience. If you’d like, I can offer some other suggestions instead?”

“Um, yeah, that’d be great I guess.”

“Could you tell me a little bit about her or your relationship. Like have you been dating long? Or is there any specific message or feeling that you want to express to her?”

“Well, it’s our three-year anniversary. The reason I always get her violets is because the park where we had our first date was full of them, so they remind me of her. She’s just always so bright and her energy is infectious. It’s really cheesy, but it feels like she has the power to bring out the sun. Sometimes she’s a bit of an airhead, but I think it’s cute.”

The customer has a fond expression on his face as he talks. As he looks around the shop, his eyes seem drawn to one particular type of flower and he takes a step closer to it.

“Those are coreopsis. They carry the meaning of always being cheerful.”

The customer seems to suddenly snap out of his daze. “S-sorry, I was a bit out of it. I probably rambled on a bit too much, huh?”

“No, not at all,” Seungyoun reassures. “I think it’s really sweet. Just give me a second to grab some stuff from the back.”

He disappears into the inventory for a short moment before reemerging with a few different bunches of flowers in hand.

“I’ll build the base from the coreopsis that you were looking at for her bright personality and added a few sunflowers for adoration, and some celandine for joys to come.”

“They’re beautiful! That’s perfect!”

“I’m glad,” Seungyoun smiles. “Feel free to take a look around the shop while I make the bouquet. It shouldn’t take too long.”

Soon enough, the customer walks out of the shop with a beautiful bouquet and a bright smile on his face. That’s what Seungyoun loves so much about this job. Flowers bring such joy to people, but can also carry deep emotions and hidden meanings.

Still, he wonders if his decision not to sell violets may affect business. He was able to salvage it this time, but it’s possible future customers won’t be as open. He had justified it initially because it’s not a particularly popular type of flower, but today proves that there are still people who seek it. Violets clearly held a special meaning for that customer, so did he deprive him of greater joy from his choice not to sell them?

Logically, he knows this problem has an easy solution, but no matter what he does, he just can’t bring himself to order violets again.

_Everlasting love._

Who can promise such a thing? Gifting someone violets is essentially the same as gifting them a bouquet of lies. After all, no love can truly last forever.

He thinks about the customer who just left and his relationship of three years. He hopes they’re happy. He wonders how long it will last.

* * *

“It’s been a while since you’ve come here, isn’t it?” Wooseok asks. “Why did you ask to meet here?”

Seungyoun laughs nervously. He should’ve known it was a mistake to call Wooseok. “No reason. I just missed their coffee.”

“Are you sure it’s the coffee that you miss?”

Of course, Wooseok sees right through him. Seungyoun’s silence is enough of an answer for his best friend.

“After the breakup, you came here so often that it wasn’t healthy. It’s been so long. I thought you were finally moving on.”

“Something reminded me of him the other day. It’s been on my mind.”

“And so you wanted to come here to chase the memories you have of him? What do you think that will accomplish?”

Wooseok’s tone is harsh, but he’s not wrong. For a long time, he desperately clung onto the memories of the two of them, not wanting to let a single moment slip through his fingers. He frequented the places they visited together, spent hours staring at their photos, replayed his voice in his head like a mantra.

He didn’t want to forget a single thing about Lee Hangyul.

But those memories were like roses. He was drawn in by the beautiful petals, but the harder he tried to grasp them, the deeper the thorns cut. That didn’t stop him. He grabbed at them until his hands were bleeding. Instead of blood, it was tears that flowed.

Wooseok was there to witness the whole thing. He was the one who helped sweep away the fallen petals and pick up the pieces of Seungyoun’s broken heart. After the whole ordeal, he’s not exactly fond of Hangyul and hates seeing Seungyoun still hung up over him. He doesn’t understand why Seungyoun still treasures the man who inflicted him with so much pain. He doesn’t understand why Seungyoun can’t forget him, why he doesn’t seem to _want_ to.

It’s not that he never tried, but Seungyoun found it was impossible to forget him. The younger repainted his life with bright, vibrant coats of color. He can’t see the world without being reminded of him.

He sits in the coffee shop that they used to love going to, where they spent hours cramming assignments together and exchanged countless conversations. Being in the space feels familiar as he reminisces about all the memories they made here.

But now, the person in front of him isn’t Hangyul, but Wooseok.

“Seungyoun-ah, I really think you should try to move on. Its been over a year now.”

“It’s not that easy, Wooseokie.”

“Is it really not? He broke your heart.”

“He could only break it because I gave it to him in the first place. It only hurt so much because I loved him. I can’t just erase that.”

“And do you still love him? Even after all this time? After he left like that?”

“Sometimes it still hurts.”

Wooseok sighs. “I’m just worried about you.”

“I know and I’m thankful for that. You’re a good friend.”

“If I set you up on a blind date, would you go?”

Seungyoun hesitates. “I don’t know.”

“Just one,” Wooseok says. “Just try it. For me. And I’ll never bring it up again.”

“…Fine. But I can’t promise you anything.”

“I know, I just, I want you to be happy, Youn.”

“Thanks, Seok. I’ll try.” He sends his best friend a genuine smile. He means it.

* * *

Seungyoun finds himself seated across from a handsome stranger at a fancy restaurant he would never have stepped foot in on his own. If he’s being honest, it makes him feel a bit suffocated.

The other man is talkative and funny, taking the lead in the conversation. Seungyoun responds when he has to, but doesn’t make much of an effort to take initiative. He’s not trying to be disrespectful or standoffish, but he can’t help it. He doesn’t know whether the environment or the person across from him is to blame, but everything feels tense and uncomfortable.

The dinner ends soon enough and the other man offers to drive him home. Seungyoun politely declines. He feels a bit bad for him because he’s clearly not a bad person. In fact, objectively speaking, Seungyoun thinks he’s quite the catch: tall, attractive, and pretty well-off.

It just didn’t feel right.

If Seungyoun were to assign him a color, it would be a warm yellow for his bright, positive energy. Yellow is opposite violet on the color wheel.

He always associated Hangyul with the color violet. The fiery passion of their love was painted in red, yet Hangyul always made him feel almost impossibly at ease, like a calming blue. They blended into a beautiful violet that tinted his entire world. He thought it would last forever.

Now, he knows it’s nonsense to think like that. Nothing can last forever. Every flower’s beauty is fleeting, it’s fate to wither, dry, and crumble.

The vibrant coats of color that Hangyul gave him have faded to a dull remnant of what they once were. Seungyoun thinks his own color wanes along with it. He wonders what will happen if it disappears completely. After all, having no color is meaningless.

* * *

Wooseok calls the next morning to ask him about how the date went.

“So how did it go?” Wooseok asks.

“I don’t think we were a good match.”

He hears Wooseok sigh on the other line. “Did you at least try to make it work?”

“Believe me, Seok, I did try to like him. He was basically perfect. If I could’ve liked him, I would’ve, but…”

“Okay. I won’t bother you about it again.”

“Thank you, Wooseok-ah.”

“For what? You didn’t even enjoy it.”

“For always being a good friend. For caring.”

“Of course I care, you idiot.”

“Love you, Wooseokie.”

“Yeah, whatever. I’m hanging up.” The call promptly ends and it’s just such classic Wooseok behavior that Seungyoun finds himself chuckling. He knows what his best friend really means.

He goes in to set up the shop as usual, fixing all the displays to get ready to open. It’s not a very eventful morning and he spends most of it doing inventory. He’s just about finished when he hears the bell ring and sees a customer come in.

“Hi, welcome to Hollywoodz Flower Shop!” Seungyoun greets. “What can I help you with today?”

“Hi, I’m looking for a bouquet of roses,” the girl says shyly.

“Of course. What color would you like?”

“Um, does it make a difference?”

“Well, aesthetically, it’s just your preference, but they do all have different meanings, if that’s something you care about. Red roses are commonly known to symbolize love, but yellow roses are actually associated with jealousy or sometimes even infidelity.”

“Oh, um, then can I just have red roses?”

“Coming right up,” he smiles.

When the customer leaves, Seungyoun is once again left alone with his thoughts. He reaches out to a stray rose petal that has fallen on the counter.

Everyone knows a beautiful red rose is for a passionate love, but what becomes of that love when the rose wilts, the petals fall, and all that’s left is thorns?

It’s dropped. Discarded.

Forgotten.

And yet.

Seungyoun can’t seem to forget. He picks up the wilted rose, presses it between the pages of his memories, and weighs it down with the heavy burden of his pain.

He frames it and puts it on display. He doesn’t want to forget.

Seungyoun wants to remember every moment with Hangyul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i spent an embarrassingly long time trying to think of some sort of pun to use for the flower shop name so i hope someone appreciates it T^T)
> 
> this is mostly? written so updates should be fast!
> 
> please tell me your thoughts!!


	2. Carnation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Great care is needed when choosing carnations for someone. A deep red carnation tells a story of deep love, but a striped carnation tells the receiver “I cannot be with you.”_
> 
> _A pink carnation says “I will never forget you.”_

Hangyul broke up with Seungyoun in the winter, leaving him to face the harsh, cold winds on his own. It’s been a little over a year since then. Not that he’s counting.

Hangyul still thinks about Seungyoun a lot. He may have been the one to break it off, but he never stopped loving him. If anything, he loved him too much.

It just wasn’t healthy for him, for either of them. He couldn’t handle a relationship back then while he was juggling his studies and multiple part time jobs to pay for his tuition.

Seungyoun was caring to a fault, always insisting on paying for his food or buying him things. When he was too busy with his responsibilities, Seungyoun carved out time in his own schedule and sacrificed his sleep to be able to spend time with him.

Hangyul knew Seungyoun deserved better. The guilt had started to eat him alive. He was keeping Seungyoun from his own life and Hangyul couldn’t even give him the time of day in return. Seungyoun deserved the world and yes, Hangyul loved him, but he had nothing to show for it. He wasn’t enough.

As much as he didn’t want to, he broke up with the man that he loved. The man that he still loves.

He watched as Seungyoun cried and begged him to stay. He ignored him.

Hurting Seungyoun was the last thing he wanted to do, but he did it anyway. There’s not a day that goes by where he doesn’t still hate himself for it.

Seungyoun was always like a beautiful flower, bringing joy to those around him and always reaching for the sun. Hangyul had become the weeds that surrounded him, selfishly taking from him and draining his energy, preventing him from growing taller.

Weeds need to be plucked and Hangyul took it upon himself to be the one to do it. No matter how much it hurt him.

It was for the better. Or at least that’s what he thought.

He hopes Seungyoun is happier now. Sometimes Hangyul wants nothing more than to know how he’s doing, but he doesn’t let himself wonder. He doesn’t think he deserves to know.

He doesn’t think he’ll be able to stay away if he finds out.

* * *

“Something on your mind?” Yohan asks as they walk side by side. His best friend had taken it upon himself to force Hangyul to get some fresh air and dragged him out for a walk in the park.

Hangyul can’t help but notice the bunches of yarrow growing alongside the rocks bordering the pathway. He never thought he would’ve been one to recognize flowers, let alone know their meanings, but it’s slowly become a part of him. Like Seungyoun once was too.

He remembers how Seungyoun told him that some people would consider yarrow an aggressive weed, stealing nutrients from nearby plants, but that it also had a history of being treasured for its medicinal properties. In some old tales, people even thought it could be a cure for a broken heart.

He wishes that were true.

Yohan waves a hand in front of his face. “Earth to Hangyul?”

“Sorry, I got distracted.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Yohan pauses. “You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?”

“That obvious?”

“Maybe just to me.” After all, Yohan has known him for years. They met through Taekwondo classes when they were just kids and remained close friends even after they both quit. They kept relatively frequent contact throughout high school, often checking up on each other and meeting up every now and then, until they ended up going to the same university and chose to be roommates. Both studying elementary education, the two became practically inseparable.

“It’s pathetic, isn’t it? I was the one who left him, but I still can’t let go after all this time.”

“It’s not pathetic, Gyul.”

“Now, that the weather’s getting warmer, there’s more flowers everywhere and I can’t _not_ think about him.”

“I’m sorry for dragging you outside. I should’ve realized,” Yohan says apologetically.

“Don’t be. You couldn’t have known. It’s not like it’s your fault I’m still such a mess.”

Yohan hesitates for a moment, contemplating something. “Would it help if you knew how he was doing?”

Hangyul freezes. “What do you mean?”

“I can ask Seungwoo-hyung, if you want. If it would make you feel better.”

Of course. Because Yohan’s boyfriend also happens to be a close friend of Seungyoun’s. All it would take is a quick call or a simple text message and he would have the answers he’s been craving all this time. How has he been? Has he moved on? Is he happier now? _Is he better off without me?_

But the thing is, it’s always been that easy. There was never anything stopping Hangyul from asking Seungwoo himself. The truth is, he’s scared of the answer.

Of course he wants Seungyoun to be happy, but that doesn’t mean it won’t still hurt to hear about it. He’s not sure if he’ll be able to handle it if Seungwoo tells him he’s happily dating someone else, that he’s moved on and completely forgotten about Hangyul.

Still, even more than that, he’s terrified of the possibility that Seungyoun isn’t actually happy. If that’s the case, then what was it all for? Was it the wrong decision to let him go back then? Did he ruin everything for no reason?

Hangyul isn’t sure if he’ll be able to live with either of those outcomes, but as long as he doesn’t know the real answer, he doesn't have to.

“Hangyul, you can’t live like this forever,” Yohan says. It’s like he can read his mind.

“Why not? What’s wrong with living like this?”

“You need some sort of closure to be able to move on.”

“And what if I don’t want to move on?” he asks, voice quiet and shaky.

“Gyul…” Yohan wraps an arm around his best friend’s back in comfort. “You still love him, don’t you?”

“I never stopped.”

“Do you want him back?”

Hangyul clenches his fists in frustration. “Of course I do. I do, but how could I possibly be that selfish? How could I even think about barging into his life again when I was the one who left like that?”

“Hangyul, if there’s one thing you’re not, it’s selfish. Never once in your life have you put your own desires first. Maybe it’s time to change that.”

He pauses, contemplating. Is it really okay for him to want Seungyoun back in his life? Will Seungyoun even let him back in? “What if he’s moved on? What if I’m just reopening old wounds for him?”

“You’re doing it again. You’re worrying so much about just the _possibility_ of hurting him that you don’t realize you’re hurting yourself in the process.” Yohan places his hands on Hangyul’s shoulders and looks him straight in the eye. “You won’t know how he feels unless you ask. You won’t be able to change anything unless you _try_.”

Hangyul stares back at him, struggling as he’s put face to face with what he’s been trying to avoid all along. He nods.

“I’ll call Seungwoo-hyung.”

* * *

To say Hangyul is nervous would be an understatement. He feels Seungwoo’s gaze on him and he thinks his heart might burst out of his chest in fear. He hopes its not too obvious.

“Hangyul, you don’t have to be that terrified. I won’t bite,” Seungwoo tells him.

Okay, so maybe he was a little obvious. “Sorry, Seungwoo-hyung. I’m just a bit anxious, I guess.”

“It’s okay, Hangyul,” the older reassures. “I assume it has something to do with why you called me over?”

Hangyul nods. He had called Seungwoo over, asking if they could talk, but he hadn’t told him anything more. Being the kind, understanding person he is, Seungwoo didn't pry further and agreed to come anyway. Still, Hangyul is afraid of how he’ll react when he finally works up the courage to breach the subject.

They’re on friendly enough terms, sometimes hanging out because of Yohan, but it’s been an unspoken rule that Seungyoun is never to be brought up. And here Hangyul is about to break that agreement.

He takes a deep breath. “There’s something I need to ask you. But if you’re not comfortable answering, that’s also okay. I just was wondering if, um, maybe, you could possibly tell me about something.”

“Hangyul, calm down,” Seungwoo replies gently. “Whatever it is, just ask.”

“It’s just, um, I was wondering how Youn—” He pauses. He probably doesn’t have the right to use that nickname anymore. “—how Seungyoun-hyung has been doing.”

He watches Seungwoo’s face carefully for any sign of a reaction, but the older doesn’t let anything show. The silence is killing Hangyul and he doesn’t know how much of it he can take.

“Why do you want to know?” Seungwoo asks carefully.

At this point, Hangyul is fully prepared to abort mission, not knowing how to explain himself. Seungyoun probably hates him, or at best doesn’t care about him anymore, so why on earth would he think that one of his close friends would let him just walk back into his life after everything he’s done?

Seungwoo seems to sense Hangyul’s internal panicking and adds, “Look, I’m not completely opposed to telling you. I know you’re a good person and I trust Yohan’s judgment, but Seungyoun is a friend who I care about a lot and I can’t say anything until I know why you’re asking.”

“Hyung, you don’t have to give me any details, but please, just give me a yes or no. Is he happy?”

“What will you do if I say yes?”

“I’ll leave him be. I’ll be satisfied knowing he’s happy.”

“And what if I say no?”

“I…” he trails off.

“Hangyul, can I ask you something first?”

His eyes widen in surprise, but he nods anyway.

“Why did you break up with him in the first place?”

“It… it just wasn’t good for either of us anymore.”

“And why is that?”

“I was too busy. I was working and overloading with classes and barely paying rent. He should’ve been focusing on his own life, but instead he spent all his extra time and money on me. He deserved better. I was just being a burden to him.”

Seungwoo is silent for a moment. “Were you the one who decided that? Did you ask how he felt?”

Hangyul looks down at his lap in shame. “I thought it would be better that way,” he chokes out.

Seungwoo’s expression softens. “He opened his flower shop.”

Hangyul’s head shoots up in surprise. He didn’t think Seungwoo would answer. “I-is it doing well?” He suppresses the questions he really wants to ask. _Is he doing better without me?_

“Yeah, the shop is doing pretty well.” He pauses. “But I’m not sure if he is.”

Hangyul feels his heart stop at those words, because that can’t be. He achieved his dream of opening his flower shop after Hangyul stopped dragging him down. He has to be doing well. He _has to_.

“He’s been… distant, with me at least. I know he’s lonely, but he would never admit to it and kept pushing me away if I ever tried to bring it up. I think Wooseok tried to set him up on a blind date, but he didn’t even look at the guy. He can’t forget about you.”

Not knowing what to say, Hangyul can only stare back at him, eyes wide with shock.

“Hangyul, I’m telling you this because I trust you, but please don’t hurt him again. If you’re gong to leave again, whatever the reason, then please just don't try anything. But I don’t think you would do that. I think you still love him just as much and if that’s the case, go talk to him. For both of your sakes.”

“But shouldn’t he hate me for leaving like that?”

“We both know he would _never_ hate you.”

He’s right. Seungyoun doesn’t have a hateful bone in his body.

“Am I allowed to do that, hyung? Isn’t it selfish of me?”

“Yohan was right about you caring too much about other people.” Seungwoo sighs. “I guess he’s the same way though,” he muses to himself before continuing on. “Hangyul, forget about everything else for a second. Don’t think about what’s ‘allowed’ or not. Don’t think about being selfish. Just answer this. Do you still love him?”

“Yes,” he answers confidently, without a drop of hesitation.

“Then, what’s stopping you?”

Hangyul doesn’t have an answer to that.

Seungwoo takes out his phone and quickly types something. A second later, Hangyul hears his own phone sound with a notification. He open’s it to see Seungwoo’s message.

An address.

“Go find him.”

He runs out the door.

* * *

Admittedly, Hangyul probably should have thought of a plan of what to say beforehand, but by the time he realized what he was doing, he found that his feet were already carrying him to the flower shop. _Seungyoun’s flower shop._

He’s almost there and the shop comes into view from across the street. He stops. Someone walking behind him bumps into him after he abruptly plants his feet on the ground and he returns to his senses just long enough to mumble an apology as they pass by. Then, he’s left standing there, just gazing at the display in the shop window from his position across the street, taking note of the centerpiece.

Lilies of the valley. _A return to happiness._

Hangyul thinks this must be a sign. Realistically, he knows that it’s not meant as a message for him and that it’s likely only there because they’re in season right now. He’s not as arrogant as to assume that Seungyoun would be thinking of him when choosing it. Still, he can’t help but take it as a sign, coincidence or not, and is filled with a renewed sense of confidence as he crosses the street.

With one final deep breath, he finally feels ready to conquer what he’s been running from all this time and remedy his mistakes. He pushes the door open and walks inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope hangyul's pov was ok! next time we will be back to seungyoun <3
> 
> i know it's only been a day but i am impatient so i just decided to post lol
> 
> chapter 3 is being a little bit difficult (also i have finals oops) but i already started it so it shouldn't take tooo long


	3. Snowdrop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Snowdrops bloom through the winter, breaking through the frozen soil and peeking up above blankets of snow. For their resilience, they have become symbols of consolation and hope._

Seungyoun hears the familiar chimes that signify a new customer entering and he looks up to greet them as usual.

“Hi, welcome to Ho—” He freezes. The last person he ever expected to walk through the door of his shop is right there, standing before him. “Hangyul?”

“It’s been a while, Seungyoun-hyung,” he says casually, as if there’s not a giant elephant in the room. As if said elephant isn’t currently trampling over his heart, crushing it with the weight of their history.

Seungyoun should probably feel upset. Hangyul has just nonchalantly walked into his shop, back into his life, after just as easily walking out of it over a year ago. Then again, it’s also possible that Hangyul hadn’t known this was his shop and had just come in to look for flowers. After all, he’s not trying to overestimate his importance in Hangyul’s life. Just because Seungyoun hasn’t moved on yet, it doesn’t mean that Hangyul is the same.

Seungyoun is painfully aware of the awkward silence falling over them and, quite honestly, it’s weird. They were almost never silent when they were together. People complained about how much noise they would make, finding something to laugh about even from the dullest of things. But then again, a lot of things have changed since then. He shouldn’t be surprised that it’s different. Unfamiliar.

Hangyul remains silent and his feet seem to have taken root in their spot in the doorway, so Seungyoun takes it upon himself to speak instead. “Did you, um, need help with anything?”

“Hm?” Hangyul tilts his head to the side in confusion.

“I mean, I assume there’s a reason you walked into a flower shop…?”

“Oh, right.” He glances around the shop before something catches his eye. “Can I have a small bouquet of these?”

Bellflowers. _Gratitude._

Seungyoun isn’t sure if Hangyul actually knows the meaning of the flowers he’s picked out. He suspects that Hangyul used to tune him out whenever he started droning on and on about his plants and even if he didn't, it’s been a long time since then.

Regardless, he can’t help the curiosity that arises about who they’re for. He desperately wants to ask, but doesn’t know if he’s in any position to. They were once inseparable, but after a year without contact, have they become strangers? Would it be intrusive of him?

If he asks and finds that the flowers are for someone else, if Hangyul has found someone new, will he be able to hold himself together? A part of him is scared to risk it.

But for his own sanity, he needs an answer. “Are they for someone special?”

“Yeah, I guess?”

Seungyoun tenses. “Oh, that’s nice,” he says, trying to to seem affected, though he doesn’t think he does a very good job.

“Wait, not _like that_. They’re just for Yohan. I kinda owe him one and, um, everyone loves flowers, right?”

Seungyoun feels relief wash over him. It’s not a definite confirmation that Hangyul hasn’t moved on either, but it’s all he has. It lets him cling onto hope for at least a while longer.

“I would hope so. My job kind of depends on people liking them.” He quickly moves to pick up the flowers, partially because he’s still a professional and has to do his job but also partially because it gives him something to focus on that isn’t his ex-boyfriend who he’s still in love with standing a few feet away from him. “I’ll have them ready for you in a second, but, um, feel free to look around while you wait.”

“Thanks, hyung.” Hangyul smiles and Seungyoun desperately tries to ignore how it makes his heart melt.

Hangyul walks around the small perimeter of the store and picks up a small bundle of flowers. “Can I buy this separately too?”

“Yeah, of course,” Seungyoun responds. He hopes Hangyul doesn’t sense the slight tremble in his voice, slightly disheartened by his choice. Acacia, symbolizing a secret love. _I guess he has found someone else._

Even if Hangyul doesn’t know the meaning behind them, the fact that he has someone to randomly buy flowers for is pretty telling. It’s enough to crush the small bit of hope that he was still holding onto.

He doesn’t know why he didn’t expect this outcome. Hangyul made it clear when they broke up that he didn’t want to see him anymore. It was stupid of him to think that that would’ve changed. Hangyul was just looking for any flower shop and happened to stumble upon his. The younger is mature enough to not make a big deal out of it, so Seungyoun will be too. Or he’ll at least try his best.

He finishes wrapping the bouquet quickly and shows Hangyul the total. The younger hands over his card. It’s just a normal business transaction, which is why Seungyoun definitely is not at all affected when their fingers slightly brush against each other as he hands the card back.

“Thank you, Seungyoun-hyung. This is a really nice shop. I’m happy for you.”

“T-thanks.”

Hangyul picks up the bellflowers, but leaves the acacias on the counter. He picks up the pen he used to sign the receipt and quickly scribbles something on the back of his copy.

“The acacias are for you, hyung. I don’t know if you still have my number, but, um, I wrote it down for you. I know I probably shouldn’t be asking for this, but if it’s okay with you, I’d like to catch up sometime soon. Only if you want to, of course.” He glances up nervously at Seungyoun to gauge his reaction, but the latter is simply frozen in shock. “Um, it was nice seeing you again. Bye,” he says before sprinting out the door, not letting Seungyoun get a single word out.

_What the fuck was that?_

Seungyoun feels his mind racing as he filters through all of the plausible explanations of what this could possibly mean, but none of them make any sense.

He decides to start with what he knows best. Flowers. Acacias symbolize secret love, but does Hangyul know that? He remembered their name, so he recognized what they were, but did he know what they meant? And if he did, what was he trying to say with them?

Secret love. Does that mean that he wants to keep their past relationship a secret? To just move on without acknowledging it? There’s a second explanation, but Seungyoun isn’t sure if he wants to let himself believe it. It would be too good to be true. If he allows himself to hope, then he thinks it’s possible that Hangyul was trying to tell him he secretly still loves him. Still, he crushes that thought just as quickly as it appears because there’s no use getting his hopes up. It’ll just hurt more in the end.

The rest of the day is uneventful, although there’s probably nothing that could’ve happened that would shake him up more than his encounter with Hangyul. Except maybe a zombie apocalypse, but even then, Hangyul’s sudden appearance remains a strong contender.

It’s only when he’s closing up the shop that he remembers the receipt with the hastily scribbled phone number. He picks it up and stuffs it in his pocket, needing to lie down before he can even begin to think about what to do next because today has been far too tiring.

* * *

As soon as he enters his apartment, he plops down on the couch and grabs a nearby pillow to bury his face into. It does a good job of muffling his frustrated scream, which is good because he’s not trying to alert his neighbors.

He pulls out the receipt from his pocket and stares at it, as if intensely scanning the numbers on the paper will reveal him some sort of answer.

Seungyoun briefly considers calling a friend to ask for their opinion, but his two closest friends are off-limits for this. Wooseok hates Hangyul for what he did and would probably rip up the paper on sight. Seungwoo would likely be more understanding, but Seungyoun has tried not to involve him in his issues surrounding Hangyul since he’s dating Yohan and doesn’t want to put him in a difficult situation.

He sighs, having made no progress, and completely out of ideas. He decides to save the number first just in case and think about what to say later.

He opens the new contact page and wonders if he should set a contact photo. There’s a few, maybe slightly more than a few, photos of Hangyul that he could never bring himself to delete. He scrolls far back through his camera roll and finally comes across them. Admittedly, it’s a little painful to look back at all their old memories, but he still treasures them dearly.

After the breakup, Seungyoun would spend hours staring at those same photos, crying. It got to a point where Wooseok threatened to steal his phone and delete all of them, but Seungyoun started crying even more at the thought of losing them, so he quickly dropped that idea.

When he gets to one photo in particular, Seungyoun pauses. Hangyul’s not even looking at the camera and his face is scrunched from laughter, but his smile is just so beautiful. Seungyoun saves it as his contact photo without giving it a second thought. He keeps staring at the page, finger hovering over the message button, wondering what he could possibly say.

Until his finger slips.

All of a sudden, he’s calling Hangyul. He panics, trying desperately to hang up before the call can go through, but in his struggle, the phone falls out of his grip. It’s the dumbest thing he’s ever done and he wants to punch himself in the face for it. He scrambles to pick it up and end the call, but by the time the phone is back in his grasp, it’s already too late.

“Hello?” the voice on the other line asks.

Seungyoun is still mentally berating himself for what just happened and barely registers it.

“Um, hello? Is anyone there?” Hangyul asks, confusion growing.

“Hi, sorry. Um, this is Seungyoun,” he replies awkwardly.

“Oh!” His voice lights up and Seungyoun tries to ignore how adorable it is. “I was getting scared you weren’t going to contact me.”

“Oh, um, sorry, I just got home from work.”

“Was it a busy day?”

“Not really, I’m just tired, I guess.”

“Have you eaten yet?”

“No, I kinda just collapsed onto the couch when I got back. I’m not too sure what to make.”

“Do you want to get dinner with me? My treat!”

Seungyoun doesn’t know if he heard that right. “What?”

“Sorry, is that weird? I thought we could start catching up maybe, but never mind. Pretend I didn’t ask.”

“Wait, no! I’d like that.”

“Oh. I’ll text you the address and meet you there then?”

“Yeah, um, sure.”

“Okay, I’ll see you soon, hyung!”

The call promptly ends and and Seungyoun is once again left to process what just happened. Today has just been filled with too many surprises and he doesn’t know how much more his heart can take.

He quickly checks the address of the place Hangyul has sent him and is relieved to find that it isn’t too far. The younger has already seen him today, so it’d be weird if he changed clothes, but his hair is tousled from rolling around on the couch, so he tries his best to fix it up a bit. Once he thinks he looks semi-presentable, though he’s not sure if it even matters, he heads out the door to meet Hangyul.

* * *

The younger is already there, waiting outside the restaurant when he arrives. “Sorry, did you wait long?”

“No, I just got here. Sorry for calling you out so suddenly.”

“It’s okay.”

Hangyul leads him inside the restaurant and they’re seated quickly. “I like coming here because they have a lot of options and it’s pretty cheap,” the younger explains.

Seungyoun just nods, not knowing what to say. After placing their orders, they fall into another silence and Seungyoun can’t help but feel restless. “Did Yohan like the flowers?”

“Yeah, thanks to you, hyung.”

“I didn’t even do anything. It’s just my job.”

“But still! I know how much you’ve always wanted to open a flower shop and now you finally have. I’m really happy for you.”

Seungyoun feels how genuine his words are and it makes his cheeks heat up. “Thank you, Hangyul-ah. What have you been up to?”

“I got a job right after I finished my master’s, so I’ve been teaching at an elementary school nearby. It can be tiring, but the kids are worth it. I love it.”

Seungyoun smiles at that. He remembers how stressed Hangyul was from overloading with his classes in order to graduate early and save money. He’s relieved that he’s finally able to reap the rewards of all of his hard work.

“That’s amazing! I’m proud of you, Gyul.” The nickname slips out before he realizes it and he tries to cover it with a cough.

“Thanks, hyung.” If Hangyul notices the slip-up, he doesn’t mention it.

Conversation starts flowing more smoothly, both of them filling the other in on what’s been happening in their lives. As Hangyul talks excitedly about how, even though he hides it as to not show favoritism, there is one student he’s particularly fond of, Seungyoun thinks that no matter how adorable this Dohyon kid may be, Hangyul must be just as, if not more, adorable.

Being together with him like this, it almost feels as if nothing has changed. His world instantly brightens and he finds that his surroundings are once again painted in vibrant colors. Seungyoun is happier than he has been in a long time with Hangyul back by his side.

He pushes away all the uncertainties of where their relationship stands right now and all the questions about why Hangyul left in the first place and why he’s suddenly back. Seungyoun is happy to just enjoy every second while it still lasts. He had wished for so long to have this moment back and he isn’t going to give it up for anything.

When they finish eating and it comes time for them to part ways, Seungyoun is reluctant to leave, part of him afraid that he’ll lose Hangyul again.

“Thank you for eating with me,” Hangyul says.

“I should be the one thanking you since you paid.”

“We should do this again, hyung. If you’re okay with that, of course.”

“Yeah, I’d like that!” _I’d love that. I’d love to eat with you again. I’d love to date you again._ He just barely suppresses the desire to ask Hangyul to stay longer, to fill the space in his life that has been kept empty all of this time because he never found anything else that could take his place.

"Text me when you get home, hyung."

"Y-yeah. You too."

"Okay! See you soon?"

"Yeah," he replies, wondering when "soon" will be. He's already looking forward to it.

As he reaches home, he plops down on the couch for the second time that day. It’s been the most emotionally draining day he's experienced for a long time, both in a good and bad way, and he struggles to process his thoughts.

Hanging out with Hangyul felt so normal, so _right_ , but what did it mean? Are they just friends? Can they go back to being lovers? Does Hangyul _want_ that? Because Seungyoun definitely does, but he would settle for just being friends if it means he can keep Hangyul in his life again.

He can't say the uncertainty isn't weighing him down at least a little bit, but he can't bring himself to care. For now, he focuses on the fact that he finally has Hangyul back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so they meet again hehe
> 
> i hope this chapter was ok! i'll try to finish the last one soon, but in the meantime i'd love to hear what you think!!


	4. Daffodil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Blooming after the harsh winds of winter and marking the onset of spring, daffodils are for new beginnings._

It's been a few weeks since Hangyul approached Seungyoun again in the flower shop and they've been texting pretty frequently and gotten a few more meals together since then. It almost feels too good to be true to have the older back in his life like this.

That's why he can't risk doing anything to ruin it. He already ruined everything the first time when he started overthinking everything and he refuses to do it again. Somehow, what they have right now feels like a delicate flower and one gust of wind that's too strong or the slightest nudge could be its downfall. The breakup seems like a lawn mower that would blast it to smithereens. So he doesn't bring it up.

Seungyoun doesn't ask about it either, so the two of them continue on like this. As each day passes, Hangyul feels the need to talk about it grow, but he can never bring himself to breach the topic. Every time he tries, the words just don't seem to come out of his mouth.

Even if he has already decided to reach out to Seungyoun again and even with Yohan and Seungwoo’s reassurances, he can’t help but feel like it’s wrong for him to ask this of Seungyoun. As much as he would love to be his boyfriend again, Hangyul doesn’t think he deserves it. To hang out with him as friends is one thing, but to try and repair their relationship is another story.

Hangyul knows he can’t put it off forever and tells himself he'll bring it up soon, but for now, he decides to just appreciate being able to laugh alongside Seungyoun once more.

* * *

Seungyoun is sitting on his own couch in his own apartment, but somehow he feels backed into a corner. It might have something to do with his two best friends who are currently staring him down.

"So is there something you want to tell us about, Seungyoun?" Seungwoo asks. His tone is deceptively casual, but Seungyoun can sense the threat behind the words.

Still, he's not entirely sure what exactly Seungwoo is referring to and decides it's best to play dumb than incriminate himself by trying to guess what he did wrong. "What do you mean?" He glances at Wooseok, if only to avoid Seungwoo's burning stare.

"Don't look at me," Wooseok says. "I don't know either. Seungwoo-hyung just dragged me here without telling me why."

"I know you've been hanging out with Hangyul," Seungwoo announces matter of factly.

Wooseok who had seemed rather uninterested a few moments ago jumps up from his seat. "Wait, hold on. Hangyul? As in Lee Hangyul? As in your ex? Who dumped you and cut off all contact and broke your heart?"

Seungyoun desperately tries to hide from his gaze, but nods his head in confirmation. "Seungwoo-hyung, how did you know?"

The older gives him a pointed stare. "In case you've forgotten, I'm kinda dating his best friend."

"Oh. Yohan. Right, dumb question."

"Now, it's your turn to answer a question. What's up with you and Hangyul?

"And when were you going to tell us about this?" Wooseok chimes in.

"Hey, that's two questions!"

"One from each person."

"That's not fair. You're ganging up on me in my own home."

"Seungyoun, answer the questions."

"I don't know! Okay?" he yells, suddenly losing control of his emotions. He can already feel tears welling up in his eyes at being forced to confront what he's been avoiding. "I don't know what we are and I'm too scared to ask."

"Seungyoun-ah," Seungwoo says, tone much gentler, calming. "If you were this stressed, you should've come to us earlier."

"Hyung, I didn't want to involve you in case it put you in a weird place with Yohan." He turns to Woosoek and adds, "And you would've just yelled at me because you hate Hangyul."

Wooseok looks slightly taken aback. "Youn, I'm sorry. I just I hated that he did that to you. I never meant to make you feel like you couldn't come to me for this."

"And even though I'm dating Yohan, you're one of my closest friends and I'm always here for you."

"Thank you guys. It's really not your fault and I'm really lucky to have you both. It was honestly just easier to avoid acknowledging it at all."

"So what exactly happened?"

"Hangyul came into the flower shop a while back. He left me his number and we got food to catch up and we've been talking and hanging out ever since. But we never talked about the break up or what any of this means."

"Why did he come to the flower shop in the first place?" Wooseok asks.

"I don't know. He bought flowers for Yohan because he said he owed him or something. He probably found it by chance."

Seungwoo sighs. "He's so stupid."

"What do you mean, hyung?"

"He went to the shop to talk to you."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I was the one who gave him the address." At Seungyoun's confused look he explains further. "He called me over to ask about you. I can't tell you exactly what he told me, but he went into the shop that day because he wanted to see you again. He still cares about you a lot. Please talk to him."

"If that's true, then why hasn't he said anything?"

"Yeah, if he cares so much, shouldn't he be taking this more seriously instead of playing around?" Wooseok questions, not even trying to hide the irritation in his tone.

"Wooseok," Seungwoo warns.

"I'm just saying, after everything that happened, I think I deserve to be a little bit skeptical about him suddenly showing up again."

Seungwoo sighs, knowing he is partially right. If it hadn’t been for Yohan convincing him otherwise, he probably would’ve felt the same way. "Look, he screwed up back then, but he had his reasons, however flawed. Seungyoun, the same way that you've been scared to bring it up, I'm sure he's been feeling the same, but I really think it'll work out if you two just talk to each other."

"....Fine."

"Promise me you'll bring it up if he doesn’t?"

"I'll try."

"Seungyoun."

"Fine! I promise I'll talk to him! Happy?"

"Very." Seungwoo smiles victoriously.

"If he screws up one more time, do I have permission to punch him?"

"Wooseok!" Seungyoun yells indignantly.

"Wooseok, you can’t punch him," Seungwoo says, earning a “thank you” from Seungyoun, before he adds, “You’re not strong enough. If he screws up again, _I_ will punch him.”

Seungyoun shoots him a look of betrayal, but he knows that they’re only doing it because they care and he can’t help the smile that spreads across his face, giving him away. No matter what happens, he knows he's lucky to have such great friends.

* * *

"So how are things going with Seungyoun-hyung?" Yohan asks after inviting himself into Hangyul's apartment as if it’s his second home. Still, it’s such a frequent occurrence that Hangyul is used to it and doesn’t question the sudden intrusion.

"We've been talking and hanging out."

"Are you guys officially back together then?”

“About that… We haven’t really talked about it. At all.”

“Hangyul, you can’t be serious. What have you been doing for _weeks_?”

“When I first saw him, I just couldn’t bring myself to say it and then we started talking and hanging out and everything felt so normal and I didn’t want to risk screwing it up!”

“You’re risking even more by not talking about it. It’s not fair to him if you keep doing this. It’s gonna seem like you’re trying to avoid commitment.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do!”

“I know that, but do you think he does?”

Hangyul is silent. He knows the other is right. “How in the world am I supposed to bring it up? Do I even have the right to ask him to be my boyfriend again?”

Yohan sighs. “I thought we had already been over this.”

“Look, I know I have to talk to him and I know it’s not fair of me to keep asking him to spend time with me without telling him what I want out of it, but I’m just—scared.”

“What exactly is it that you’re so scared of?”

“What if he’s just being nice by hanging out with me, but he doesn’t actually want to get back together? I wouldn’t blame him if that were the case. I screwed up really badly.”

“Hangyul, it’s not like you can go back in time and change what you did, but what you can do is try to make up for it now. At least try to explain it to him and apologize. It’s up to him whether he decides to accept it or not, but you’ll never know his answer until you actually ask.”

“I don’t want to lose him again.”

“With the way it is right now, can you really say that you have him back at all? You’re just tiptoeing around him. Is this really any better?”

“I… guess it’s not.” Hangyul sighs. “When did you get so smart?”

“As your best friend, it’s part of my job description to talk sense into you.”

“That seems to be happening a lot recently, huh?”

“Yeah, you’re just incapable of using your brain when it comes to Seungyoun-hyung.”

“Hey!”

“Am I wrong?”

“…no,” Hangyul replies grudgingly. “Why do you always have to be right?”

“You should be used to it by now,” Yohan laughs. “Now, please hurry up and actually talk to him. I can only hold off Seungwoo-hyung for so long.”

“Should I be scared?”

“Seungwoo-hyung is more understanding, but if I were you, I would be terrified of Wooseok-hyung.”

“Fuck. Okay,” Hangyul winces, remembering how intimidating Wooseok could be when he wanted to. “Thanks for the heads up.”

“I mean, I don’t really want to see my best friend get murdered, which means you better fix things with Seungyoun-hyung as soon as possible.”

“Yeah, I will,” Hangyul assures him. Despite saying that, he can’t say that he’s not still scared, but he knows he can’t put it off any longer.

He pulls out his phone to text Seungyoun and ask when he’s free, promising himself that he’ll bring it up the next time he sees him.

* * *

When Hangyul texts Seungyoun to ask to hang out again, he’s quick to agree, but is soon faced with apprehension. After his talk with Seungwoo and Wooseok, he knows that this is his chance to finally ask Hangyul about what all of this means. Still, just because he knows he has to do it, doesn’t mean that he wants to.

He’s afraid of what the younger will say and if it’ll cause him to leave again. Seungyoun desperately wants to avoid that happening. Being able to spend time with Hangyul again has made him inexplicably happy, even with the weird, unspoken feelings lingering in the background. He doesn’t want to have to let go of that again.

Still, Seungwoo seemed confident that that wouldn’t be the case, so Seungyoun mentally prepares himself to ask Hangyul about it when he comes over. He had invited the younger over to his apartment under the premise of watching a movie, thinking that it would be more appropriate to have this conversation privately in case something went badly, but it still makes him nervous every time he thinks about it.

The next few days pass by in a blur, mind filled with thoughts of Hangyul as he tries to plan out what to say to him. Before he knows it, the day has already come and he’s awaiting Hangyul’s arrival when he hears the doorbell ring and goes to let the younger in.

“Hyung! I brought pizza!” Hangyul announces as soon as the door opens, holding up the box.

“You’re always feeding me recently,” Seungyoun laughs, moving aside and gesturing for Hangyul to enter. “Let me return the favor next time,” he adds, trying not to think too hard about the possibility that there won’t be a next time if today’s talk doesn’t go well.

“You don’t owe me anything, hyung. I’m just doing it because I want to,” Hangyul replies. He seems to hesitate, something else lingering on the tip of his tongue, but he doesn’t say anything more and Seungyoun decides not to pry.

He leads him over to the couch where they settle on the floor around the small coffee table and Hangyul lays out the food while Seungyoun sets up the TV.

“What do you want to watch?”

“I don’t really have anything in mind. You can choose,” Hangyul replies.

“There’s a drama that I’ve been meaning to start. Would that be okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine with anything.”

After pulling up the first episode, he settles himself down next to Hangyul and they eat as they watch. Seungyoun knows he shouldn’t put off the talk for too long, but he figures that they might as well eat first and not let the food go to waste.

They’re only halfway through the first episode when they finish inhaling the pizza and without the food to keep him occupied, Seungyoun finds himself naturally gravitating closer to Hangyul and leaning against his shoulder.

At the first contact, he feels Hangyul tense and Seungyoun jumps back. “S-sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”

“It’s okay, hyung,” Hangyul replies, but somehow it doesn’t feel like it’s okay.

The air becomes heavy and Seungyoun can no longer focus on the drama at all, thoughts trapped in a downwards spiral. He dwells on the feeling of how Hangyul’s body stiffened even at the slightest touch of his, clearly uncomfortable from it. Seungyoun thinks that’s pretty clear of an answer of how Hangyul feels about him, but he knows he needs to address it properly to get real closure. Unable to contain it any longer, he decides that he might as well just rip off the band-aid and say it.

“Hangyul, what are we doing?”

“Watching a drama?”

“No, not that.” He pauses, feeling the tears threatening to fall, all the pent up frustration suddenly letting itself out. “What _are_ we?” He blinks to try to will the tears away, but his attempt is futile

“Fuck, hyung, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry, everything is my fault,” Hangyul says as he frantically tries to wipe away Seungyoun’s tears as they fall.

“Look, these past few weeks have made me so happy, much happier than I’ve been in the past year, since… we broke up—” He cuts himself off at those words. It’s their first time acknowledging it since they met again. The elephant in the room is brought into the spotlight and there’s no going back. “But I need to know what this is. I need to know if this is this is real because if it’s not, then I can’t keep holding onto false hope. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it for much longer.”

“Seungyoun-hyung, I’m so sorry. I should’ve been the one to bring it up, but I kept chickening out. I planned on explaining myself the day I went into the shop, but when I saw you, I panicked and I just couldn’t bring myself to ask about it. Then we started talking and everything was so good and it felt like saying it out loud would break whatever we had and I was afraid of messing it up. But clearly, I messed up anyway.”

“If I ask you something now, will you answer me?”

“Yes, of course. Anything.”

“Hangyul, why did you come back?”

“I missed you too much. I kept thinking about you and it was driving me insane.”

“You were the one who cut off contact.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I knew if I didn’t cut myself off from you completely, then I’d never be able to stay away. I would’ve come running back after the first minute.”

“Then why did you have to stay away in the first place?”

“You deserved so much better than what I could give you.”

“What?” Seungyoun’s eyes widen in disbelief because, of all possible explanations, that was not one he ever would have expected. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Hyung, I was dragging you down so much. I took up all of your time when you should’ve been focused on fulfilling your own dreams and I couldn’t even repay you for it.”

“Just having you was more than enough for me.”

“I could barely spare any time for you. I made you work on my schedule. You always bought me things and I felt so guilty that I never did anything for you.”

“I did those things because I wanted to. And you did plenty for me!”

“Name one example.”

“Even though you were busy, you made dinner for me when I was really tired.”

“It was instant ramen.”

“It was fancy ramen! You added an egg! And scallions!”

“Hyung, if that’s the bar, then I think you need to seriously reconsider your standard for romance.”

“Hangyul, some random guy could fly me to Paris and lay out a red carpet of rose petals and take me out to a fancy candlelit dinner by the Seine, but I would still rather eat your ramen.”

“Then you must be insane.”

“It’s not about the gesture itself, it’s the fact that it’s you doing it for me.”

“But hyung, I _want_ to do all those things for you. If I could, I would fly you to Paris in a heartbeat. I wanted those things for you and it killed me that I couldn’t give them to you.

“And I’m telling you that I don’t need them. I wouldn’t want them if it’s not with you.”

“Youn…”

“I still love you, Gyul. Even if you don’t feel the same way anymore—”

“Are you kidding? Of course I feel the same way. I never stopped.”

“What?”

“I thought you would’ve gotten the message with the acacias.”

“Oh. I didn’t realize—I wasn’t sure if you knew what they meant.”

“Of course I did.”

“How was I supposed to know that? I thought you would tune me out whenever I rambled about stuff like that.”

“Hyung, I would _never_ and honestly it’s a bit offensive that you think I would. You get so happy when you talk about your flowers that your eyes light up and you practically radiate energy like a tiny puppy that can’t stay still. It’s so cute, how could I _not_ pay attention?”

Seungyoun feels heat rise to his cheeks. “I—um, didn’t know you felt that way.”

“I remember every single one you told me.”

“Hangyul…”

“What did you think I meant then? I just bought you flowers _from your own shop_ because they were pretty?”

“Shut up! Everything was confusing and I wasn’t thinking straight. Besides, secret love can mean a lot of different things. You could’ve been trying to tell me to keep our relationship a secret.”

Hangyul stares at him blankly before sighing. “I’m sorry. When I was choosing my message, I forgot to take into account how much of an idiot you are.”

“Hey! That’s mean!”

“I’m gonna say it simply so you don’t get confused. Cho Seungyoun, I am so madly in love with you. I always have been. I’m really sorry for screwing things up before and almost screwing them up again now, but I promise I’ll do everything I can to make up for it, so if you’ll have me, please be my boyfriend again.”

“You want me to be your boyfriend again? You really mean that?”

“Yes,” he says, rolling his eyes. “That’s literally what I just sa—”

He’s interrupted when Seungyoun surges forward to capture his lips in a passionate kiss. Once he recovers from the initial shock, he’s quick to reciprocate.

It’s needy and desperate, carrying the weight of their unspoken feelings over the course of the past year, but it’s also somehow comforting and calming, in the same way as coming home after a prolonged time away. A long awaited reunion.

When they finally pull apart, they’re both red-faced and panting.

“That was a yes, um, if it wasn’t clear enough.”

“You know, I don’t think it was. Kiss me again?”

“Gladly.”

* * *

Hangyul finds that it’s almost scary how easy it is to fall back into a routine with Seungyoun. It was impossible to try and forget their time together, but somehow their time apart is easily overlooked, both of them reverting to old habits and acting like nothing had changed. In a way, it was like they jumped through time and the year they spent broken up never existed.

Except that it did. Hangyul broke up with Seungyoun and hurt him and spent a year weighed down by the regret of that decision. As much as he would love to pick up where they left off and pretend as if the breakup never happened, he knows that they can’t. Instead, Hangyul insists on taking it slow, wanting to earn back his place in Seungyoun’s life instead of taking his kindness for granted.

Still, when the two of them are lying in bed, tangled in each other’s arms and Seungyoun clings onto him, asking him to stay, how could he possibly say no?

“I regretted it as soon as I left, you know.”

“Then why didn’t you come back? Why did you stay away for so long?”

“I didn’t think I had a right to. I thought you would’ve hated me.”

“Never. Wooseok tried to convince me to a few times, but I just couldn’t.”

“I’m sorry, Youn.” Hangyul nuzzles his face deeper into Seungyoun’s neck to hide his shame.

“I already told you to stop apologizing. I forgive you. We got through it.”

“But still I—”

Seungyoun shifts to cup his face between his hands and holds him in place so that he can’t avoid eye contact. “Look at me. We can’t erase what happened and I know that, but I want to focus on the fact that I’m with you right now. Can we do that?”

“I just feel like it’s selfish of me to want this after I hurt you so badly.”

“Then what if it’s me being selfish?” Seungyoun pulls him closer, squeezing him in a tight hug. “You can be the responsible one who wants to ease back into things and I’ll be the selfish one who forces you to stay just because I want you to.”

“T-that’s not how it works.”

“I say it is. Now, let’s go to sleep. I’m tired.”

“But hyung—”

Seungyoun places a finger against his mouth to shush him. “No buts. Sleep now,” he orders, voice laced with drowsiness.

Hangyul simply looks at Seungyoun and how adorable he looks, already drifting off to sleep. With Seungyoun’s arms wrapped tightly around him, there’s no way he’d be able to escape even if he tried, so instead, he lets himself relish in the comfort of Seungyoun’s embrace. Surrounded by warmth, it’s not long before he lets his eyes fall closed and gives in to sleep as well.

As he slowly falls out of consciousness, Hangyul clutches onto Seungyoun tightly, never wanting to let go of him again.

* * *

“Hangyul-ah, I brought some flowers from the shop to decorate,” Seungyoun announces as he walks through the door of their new apartment, having recently moved in together.

“Welcome home, Youn,” he greets, taking the flowers from his hand. “They’re pretty.”

“They’re violets. They usually represent—”

“I know what they mean,” Hangyul interrupts, wrapping his arms around Seungyoun to pull him into a kiss.

_Everlasting love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh if you made it here, thank you so much for sticking around!!!!!
> 
> i hope this was a satisfying conclusion T^T this was my first chapter fic and first attempt at angst (and a real plot tbh) so it was very new and challenging in a lot of ways. honestly, there are some parts that i didn't know how to properly express and that i'm not 100% satisfied with, but i still gave it my best!
> 
> once again, thank you so so so much for taking the time to read!!! <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> this is pretty different from what i've tried so far, so please lemme know what you think! i would love for you to leave a comment or come be my friend on twt @wooloodz
> 
> thank you so much for reading!!!


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